Russian Athlete's Thanksgiving Threat: "We will eat Turkey."

November 30, 2007

Amateur athlete, Mikhael Demidov, sitting in his 1976 Peugot outside a Skokie, Illinois bowling alley, his Kool cigarette between his lips, has a vendetta.

As we interviewed Demidov, all ears were tuned and all eyes were focussed on whether the glowing ember on the end of his cigarette, now two thirds its length, was a symbolic beacon of warning to his foes, or whether he was just blowing smoke.

The dispute erupted last Thanksgiving Day when members of the Turkish-Amercan Club defeated the Russian Brothers of Saint Sergius of Radonezh in an extemporaneous bowling tournament.

"It was all supposed to be fun and games," Fun-n-Games Bowling Center manager, Art Jurinsky told us, "when all of a sudden, I see all these drunks rolling around on lane 3, which is strictly not allowed."

The skirmish, according to bystanders, revolved around the contention that Turkish player, Tolga Yilmaz was accused of "juicing" - using illegal performance enhancing drugs - in the competition.

"The only thing that guy was on was Bud Lite," said Jurinsky.

A showdown was scheduled after the brawl as the disheveled adversaries hurled epithets at one another in their respective languages. Unfortunately, neither faction understood what the other was saying, but they were responsive to the angry looks on their opponents' faces.

Police broke up the gathering when they recognized a phrase originating from the Russian faction that sounded like, "Nekst yeer, Tanksgeeveeng dey on Novembar tventi seex, vee veel eet Choorky." Those were the last words heard from Demidov that day before he passed out. He was taken into custody on charges of inciting a riot.

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