Judge Rules: "Frog" Song Not Offensive.

A Huntington Beach, California Judge ruled Thursday that the act of simply singing a song about a frog cannot be interpreted slanderous or libelous by a listener regardless of the intensity of the listener's neurosis.

The decision was not based on any existing legal precedents or laws. Rather, it was based on what the judge referred to as "common sense," an arcane and infrequently used logic-based thought style defined by Webster's Dictionary as "sound and prudent but often unsophisticated judgment."

"I'm no rocket scientist and I'm no psychologist," proclaimed Judge Mary Watson, "but I think this minister's got a screw loose. That's just my opinion and probably the opinion of 99.7% of the rational people on the planet Earth."

The incident, now known locally as The Legend of the Frog Song occurred during a routine musical performance at a local church.

What started out as a whimsical, light-hearted song about self-acceptance and self-realization turned out to be an alleged "personal attack on the character and sexual preferences" of visiting minister, Uniqua Lamaze.

Lamaze was delivering an "audition" sermon for a possible ministerial position at the local church. The song was delivered as incidental music following the audition sermon.

Curiously, the purported chaos that ensued following the performance seemed to be invisible to virtually everyone in attendance with the exception of Reverend Lamaze. No one else in the building was affected by the implied inflammatory nature of the song, whose actual title is It's Not Easy Being Green. The song's original version was sung in a Muppets movie by puppet character, Kermit D. Frog.

The crowd's lack of response was possibly due to their lack of neurotic sophistication. "Most likely, it was because the song wasn't inflammatory in the first place," according to a Harvard University musicologist who preferred to remain anonymous.

The entire incident would have gone unnoticed to anyone had not Reverend Lamaze phoned the singer, Mavis Jackson the following day. In the phone conversation, Lamaze angrily accused Jackson, familiarly known among congregants as "DJ M," of undermining her candidacy for minister. Lamaze claimed that Jackson had specifically chosen the song to create confusion in the minds of the congregation who were secretly being directed by Jackson not to vote for Lamaze as their new minister. She also told Jackson that because of the song, congregants now believed she was gay and therefore would not vote for her.

Shocked and confused, Jackson polled members of her backup band, Black Icicle, for their thoughts. Bassist Eljamar Sausage (pronounced "sau-sozh), when asked whether he realized the song was about gayness, responded, "Ain't nuttin' gay 'bout dat song. She been smokin' some sh*t. Dat's a beautiful song 'bout love."

"It's definitely a dumb song," said Judge Watson as she settled into her hot tub, a cocktail in one hand, her gavel in the other. "But it's not a crime to sing a dumb song."