A Stanton, California woman identified as 69 year old Sophia Louisiana Milk was charged Thursday with negligence and animal cruelty by local Animal Control officials.

Initially, police were prepared to encounter a lone, unattractive armed woman at the location. They were surprised instead to discover that Milk, in fact, was an unnatractive one-armed woman who curiously happened to have no gun, thus ironicaly making her both unarmed and one-armed.

Police at the scene had difficulty handcuffing Ms. Milk according to police reports. Initially, they tried cuffing her existing hand to one of her ankles but discovered that it caused limitations in her mobility since she also had only one leg. Eventually, they were able to handcuff her existing hand to her unusually thin and unattractive pencil-like neck, which coincidentally allowed her to continue to smoke cigarettes unimpeded.

Asked about her exotic name, Ms. Milk said that she had changed it because she "thought the cats would like it." Her name before the change was Melba Louisiana Milk.

Neighbors were prompted to call police when they witnessed Milk glaring at her cats in a "frightening and unattractive way." They claimed that Milk most commonly did this when the cats "went" outside their cat box. The house, according to Animal Control Officers, was "a sea of smoldering feline scat in assorted vintages and various stages of curing." Milk admitted having difficulty changing the box, having been burdened by the loss of her right arm. Milk claimed that the arm had to be surgically amputated because she had fallen asleep on it after a night of heavy drinking.

Neighbors were also disturbed that none of the cats had names. One neighbor in particular, an attractive woman who preferred to remain anonymous, felt that "People who don't name their animals obviously intend to eat them. They're not pet owners. They're ranchers." Milk vehemently denied the allegation of being a cat rancher, maintaining that she is a vegetarian, a patriot, a Christian and a Republican.