Arsonists Feel the Pinch: Gas Prices "Too High."

Dr. Harry Sternum... not his real name... is a chemical engineer and model train enthusiast. He's also the spokesperson for the National Association of Arsonists and Sociopaths.

"We all of us thought the price of gasoline would go down with this Iraqi war. We gonta have to resort to some ancient techniques and methods of burning peoples houses down from now on if these prices keep goin' up." He wrote in his blog.

"This is gonta send us back to the stone age." wrote Sternum.

Sternum is the self-appointed spokesman for the shadowy underground world of what he calls Pyro-Sportists. Often seen as malignant demons by conventional society, Sternum defends arsonists. He views his comrades as a group of highly sophisticated thrill seekers. "It's more than just a hobby. It's an extreme sport," he writes. "Only difference is you probably won't break your neck like you would jumpin' out of an airplane with a snowboard strapped onto your feet."

But what really worries Sternum is not breaking his neck. He says that if gas prices don't level off, they'll have to rely on natural substances to incinerate buildings and homes... natural substances such as methane and hydrogen sulfide. "That's what's got me worried." He wrote.

Hydrogen sulfide, also known as swamp gas or "stink damp" is a natural byproduct of decaying organic material in sewage, something that there's no shortage of in the watery streets of the beleaguered historic city of New Orleans, recently devastated by Hurricane Katrina. As if that isn't bad enough, there is now growing concern that once this toxic soup is pumped out of the city and back into Lake Ponchatraine, there will be a shocking effect on existing water life.

"We'll potentially have combustible seafood. Incendiary shrimp. Exploding catfish." Says one health expert.

This is good news for arsonists, however, who delight at the possibility of being able to toss flaming Cajun Molatov Shrimp Coctails through someone's window. "You can get a nice flare. Good color. Nice effect." wrote Sternum. "You could basically make grenades outta catfish po-boys." He even offered a schematic on his website describing how to "build the perfect po-boy."

Sternum also warned his fellow "flamists" of the dangers of using unconventional means to burn down a house... materials such as llama dung and methane gas.

"Bacon grease. Gotta watch it." He said. That's how I burned off my nose."

One blogger asked Sternum how he smelled if he had no nose. He responded, "With my hands. You learn to adapt."